Pig in Mud

I'm not the smartest person I know. And I don't want to think I am smart either. Some of the stupidest things I have ever heard uttered came from the mouths of people who think they are smart. Really stupid things, and hurtful things. Come to think of it, some of the most profound statements I have heard have come from little children and uneducated people (or if I'm telling the truth - people that I thought weren't very smart - sorry!).

The problem is I have this brain that needs to be stimulated intellectually almost constantly. Its a pain in the bum. Information for my brain is like oxygen - no oxygen and I go to sleep, no information and I go to sleep. I need to be learning something, listening to something, watching something, talking to someone or reading something. I'm no good at doing nothing. Well, no good at learning nothing. Some people call reading doing nothing. "what are you doing?" "nothing, just reading" Isn't that something? Something really good?

I've tried to turn my brain off. I've meditated. I meditated for 20 years off and on. The problem now is I get rudely interupted from my meditation when I snore or when my head falls forward. No stimulation = sleep. Chill out means sleep to me. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go for a walk without company or my ipod. Take a cup of tea out to the back yard and enjoy the sun and listen to the birds? Not without my magazine or crossword puzzle. Soak in the bath? Yes, as long as I have a audio book in the cd player.

I sometimes wish I was one of those people that can sit and do a boring job all day and just be happy-ish. I know them. I'm not one of them. I have done my fair share of boring in my life but now my brain shouts it won't take it anymore! Stimulate me!

So I go to university classes and study the most interesting subjects I can find. I listen to Ted.com or Yale University lectures at work - don't tell my boss - or books on tape if I'm doing the stuff that doesn't take any brain power. At home I have the radio or the TV on most of the time. Well, not the TV so much and mostly I listen to the ABC or NPR on the radio - I clean or cook or do other chores. I watch Masterchef - this is my knitting time.

I write a little, which I am beginning to really love and I look forward to finding out if I am any good at it but I don't really care, I'll write anyway - it is really good therapy.

And I read.

My heart breaks when I can't find a book that thrills me (like a few days ago). Today I feel like the proverbial pig in mud. I've got four new books to read and I have a really good feeling about all of them. I think they will stimulate different parts of my brain and that makes me a happy girl. Its like having an itch on your back and your toe at the same time. You have two hands - why do you have to chose one itch to scratch first? I'm going to start them all right now.

I just got Jennifer Egan's A Visit From the Goon Squad and I'm settling down after Masterchef with a cup of herbal tea, a hot water bottle and it. I love Winter!

I was recommended a book by my god daughter call Anastasia by Vladimir Megre. She said it made her feel like everything will be OK. What a nice endorsement for a book. I am looking forward to that feeling too.

I love Anthony Bourdain. I don't know why because he is not my type at all. He's too skinny and he drinks too much. But I love his honesty and I love his fearlessness. And I love No Reservations. I am going to see him at the Sydney Writers Festival on Thursday and I am really looking forward to it. Anyway, he did a show in Boston recently and said that The Friends of Eddie Coyle by George V. Higgins was a pivotal book in his life. So off to the local library this evening to pick up that one, too.

And while I was there I picked up Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver on cd to listen to.

My brain feels well looked after. Oink Oink. Squish, Squish.